Your Hair is Stupid

My mom is not good at hair, and was terrible at doing others' hair, specifically mine. She would either put my hair in hot rollers and then brush the curl out until it was a massive, wavy ball of static, or she would brush it while I cried. I had very fine, tangly hair and  brushing it was never an enjoyable experience -- this was probably why I became interested in hair in the first place, to avoid tears. 

These are fucking terrible. All of them. Anytime.

My mom did know how to use hair-pins and bobby-pins though. I'll give her that. But I figured everything else out on my own. This isn't to say that my mom isn't feminine and all that, she is. She could do her hair just fine (though in limited variety), she just couldn't do others'. My sisters weren't much use either. They can both work it out when they want to, but I am better. They earned their varsity letters, I got my cosmetology license.

I understand that most people, did not spend their Saturday mornings as a child sitting on their beds with two mirrors and several combs teaching themselves how to French braid. I get that. However, I also am saddened by women everywhere who have never taken the time to learn how to do their hair in any way. It's as though they have never taken a single Saturday morning in their lives to figure out what to do with everything growing out of their heads. So they put it in claw. Then to make up for their complete ineptitude they spend time picking out "cute" hair clips. These clips continue to be popular because people continue to think hair is hard to do.

This isn't 1998, pulling your hair back with glittery butterfly clips isn't going to cut it if you want anyone, anywhere to respect you as an adult. You look like a child whose parents have unfortunately also not figured it out. It takes every fiber of my being to not pluck out hair clips when I see them on adult women. I just figure whatever they've go going on is definitely not being helped by that wretched clip. I do do this sometimes to friends and acquaintances, the recipients aren't ever welcoming, but it makes me feel like I've made the world a slightly more aesthetically pleasing place.


PROTIPS:

Ponytails should not require combing, nor should one have a multitude of clips to "smooth out the bumps" all over their head. Flip your head over, pull your hair back. Voila. It might not be perfect at first, but a ponytail should never take more than thirty seconds to do, if that. (Don't feed me any of that bullshit about having a different hair type, either.)

Braids are simple, unless you have absolutely no dexterity in your fingers. Three sections. Right over center. Left over (the new) center. Until it's done. BOOM.

Buns, of all varieties, no matter the hair type, are simple if you know the difference between hair-pins and bobby-pins. Just twist your hair around and pin it until it doesn't move, and you like it. If you do this enough, you'll figure what you're naturally inclined to do, and it will get easier. I promise.

This is a hair-pin - use this to hold hair to other hair.

This is a bobby-pin - use this to hold hair to your head.

Richmond Drivers

I'm not sure how your car pertains to a higher being.

I love driving, on highways and parkways and expressways and toll roads and any other place that doesn't have stop lights and stop signs. I am great at driving in those places. I have a tiny car that's relatively low to the ground. It's only a four-cylinder, thankfully. If I had anything with a larger engine I'm sure I would have had my license suspended by now. I like speeding, not because I'm in a hurry, but because I like getting wherever I'm going as fast as possible. I drive as though I have to pee really badly, all the time.

This type of driving doesn't really work in Richmond. People here are not in a hurry to get anywhere, ever. They take their time. They're okay with not honking at people who take more than ten seconds to go at a green light. They also don't mind going ten under the speed limit on heavily trafficed roads. I don't understand it, I'm anxious to get where I'm going, whether it's the grocery store, to meet friends, to get to DC - it doesn't matter. This also applies to drives I take on late nights to nowhere, it's nice to move as fast as my mind is moving sometimes.

While discussing our upcoming trip to Savannah, my friend says to me, "It's supposed to take what eight hours to get there? So, that means you'll have us there in six."

I grew up in Northern Virginia. I know traffic. I know my way around it. And I know like 92473 ways to get wherever I need to go. I have no concept of what a mile is, but I can tell you how long it will take to get somewhere. Since moving to Richmond I don't like driving anywhere that takes more than fifteen minutes to drive to (unless it's another city's limits). If it takes more than fifteen minutes to get to, it's probably not worth going to anyway, i.e. the suburbs.

These are my issues with Richmond drivers:

1. Signals

Every car made ever has two of them. They work when you push a lever up or down. They allow people around you to anticipate your turn. It's a courtesy to those around you, prevents accidents, and when both are flashing they let people know that they should go around you. Anyway, they're really great, and I highly recommend using them.

Though, they can be used improperly, like when you need to change lanes and you do so, but you forget to turn your signal off after your move and proceed to irritate everyone around you. Stop it.

2. Speed Limits

No one in Richmond seems to be aware of what they mean or how they work. Sure, you're not supposed to go faster than they say, but you're also not supposed to got ten under the speed limit. I get it, if you do this you're probably really stupid and not sure where you are (get a GPS) and aren't stopping for directions, or you're really old. I don't care, just think of all the people that have to pee and get out of their way.

3. Abrupt Stops

Oh! Hi! I see that you're a chick my age and apparently a terrible driver. You've stopped in the middle of a main street, cool. You're picking up your friend? They're taking forever? I know how that goes. I also know that you have a button on your dashboard with a little red triangle on it, you should push it. See what happens. Oh, crazy, it turns both your signals on. Thanks! Now I know to drive around you when the other lane is clear. That was like so easy.

4. Parallel Parking

Richmond has shit public transportation. The buses are undependable, and...oh wait, there is no other form of public transportation, so we drive everywhere. That's fine, but we live in a city and there are a lot of us. You don't need six feet between you and the other cars to pull out properly. Really. You are part of the parking problem. Don't complain about not being able to not find a spot if you typically take up two.

If you don't live in the city and aren't accustomed to parallel parking, please stay in the suburbs with your giant car. We live here, and we park on the street and you're wasting space.

5. Cobblestone

There is a particular stretch of cobblestone called "Shockoe Slip." I have to drive down it every day on my way home. The speed limit is still 25 MPH there, and it is still two lanes. I promise.

6. Lanes

These are conveniently marked in contrasting white or yellow on the black asphalt. In most areas there are two lanes. Pick one! Stay in it. And if for some reason you need to change lanes, use your signal!

7. One-Way streets

I get it, you're drunk. We all are. I assume that you know how to read arrows. Follow them.

8. Trucks/SUVs/Other giant vehicles

You (I'm assuming) live in the city. Why would you need a giant car? Do you transport things frequently? If you do, it's probably a company car, in which case there's probably a company lot you can leave it in. Do that.

9. Magnets

Your car is covered in them. They support some really noble cause, I'm sure. But you're not really raising awareness, you're saying, "Hi, I feel the need to advertise everything I'm associated with in public, all the time." We don't care. And I will remove them from your car when I'm drunk. You are welcome.

10. Vanity Plates!

Virginia has an inordinate amount of these because they're really cheap here. Cheap also sometimes (most of the time) implies tacky. It's great that you're "OPNYN8D" or "AWWWSUM" - we all feel this way about ourselves, but the rest of us let other people find out in a personal, less public way.

What's up?

I hate that text message.

This is the text message that guys send when they're too chicken to call and/or are looking to get laid. It depends on the time of day, but no matter what time of day it is, it is a useless message. They don't care "what's up" they aren't interested in the fact that you are getting ready for work or class or bed. This is fine though because if they are sending you this particular message, they are bored and probably not worth spending time with anyway.

This is not the text message of a person that has a ton going for them. They probably aren't pursuing any hobbies, is probably not the most emotionally healthy person, and lacks the confidence to carry on an interesting conversation. Was that harsh? Perhaps. But I'm being honest.

If you do happen to respond to this message it will lead nowhere. It'll probably result in the following:

"Nothing much, just doing (insert mundane task here)."
"Sounds like more fun than I'm having (insert emoticon)."
"What's up with you?"
"(Insert some activity that you have absolutely no interest in.)"

This will go on until you, the recipient of the original text suggest that you hang out, because they don't have the chutzpa to ask you out on a date or at the very least instigate hanging out.

If he were actually interested in seeing you or how your life is going you would receive something more thoughtful. Perhaps a "How is your day going?" Or a "What are you doing later?" Or maybe something witty and related to whatever they're doing, i.e. "Did you read (whatever) on BBC today? Sending you the link now." Or "We fucking owned that shit. (insert sports team they love) 297397, (other team) 0." You get the gist.

"What's up?" is quite possibly the lowest form of communication. It's probably a template message by some mobile carriers. It requires no thought. Sure he texted you, but the likelihood of him texting several other people the vague, impersonal message is likely. It's an effort to make his evening slightly better.

And if you are one of those sad souls who sends that text message, please stop. Do something. Anything. Just don't be so lazy. This isn't even a romance thing, it's a being-a-decent-person thing. And decent people keep in touch with people, and ask those people questions and call them or email them about their lives, if those are people that they want to be in their lives.

"What's up?" is not a complete sentence, there's not even a subject!

While I understand that we live in a world of instance and brevity, if someone is worth staying in touch with they are worth asking real questions, and hopefully they think enough of you to do you the same courtesy.

I am afraid of being reduced to only being able to shop at K-mart

My sister had her baby last Monday, the 23rd, and my sister-in-law in Spain had her baby last Thursday. I have a lot to say about this whole thing, miracle of life, and all that sappy shit, but it is a work in progress and I've been really busy with classes starting and pretending to have a life - i.e. doing what my mother refers to as "partying" and what I refer to as drinking too much and falling asleep in my friends beds, playing with strangers' hair (because I'm a cosmetologist and have mild OCD when it comes to hair and people that have good hair), and watching terrible tv. It's all very productive.

Anyway, if you've read my blog for long enough (or ever, really) you are probably aware of my prejudices towards fat and stupid people. And when those two things are combined I, well we just won't talk about it.

Yesterday I took my sister to K-mart. Yes, K-mart. She's on all sorts of meds still and isn't allowed to drive. She wanted some new shirts and nursing bras (SEXY!) but she didn't want to spend a lot of money on something that she probably won't be wearing for very long anyway. Really this was just a trip to reduce the frequency at which she has to do laundry. So K-mart, that godforsaken box with dingy lighting didn't have anything suitable. But they did have a lot of embroidered and bedazzled sequined sweatshirt-like things. The types of things that you only see morbidly obese people wearing. I used to think that only obese people bought that sort of thing, but then I looked at the sizes, they only had them in huge sizes - 1XL, 2XL, 3XL!

And to think, I have always wondered why larger people wore such ridiculous things as to draw more attention to how large they are. But it's not their fault! It's the only clothing they can buy in their size! I don't get it. Why can't they have a plain teal shirt without any sort of adornment? Why can't they have their elastic-waisted pants in normal denim washes? And surely it doesn't cost more to make something generic and basic than it does to make something that's tacky? And are people only that size within a certain income bracket? What is so wrong with the world that we've doomed large people to this fate?

So, as a result of yesterday, I almost feel sorry for all of these people who take up way too much space.

And because my sister was unsatisfied (thankgod, I'm not sure I could handle it if my sister was reduced to shopping at such a depressing place) we went to Target - another box store, but at least the clothes are cheery and blatantly rip off more expensive designers and has better lighting. Seriously, lighting makes such a difference.

the closest I've ever come to getting arrested

A few weeks ago I got a ticket for having my front headlight out. A total bullshit offense, right? I mean, I wasn't speeding, or swerving or remotely causing anyone harm. I AM NOT A VIOLENT PERSON. Just because I say "I'm going to punch (fill in the blank) in the face" all the time does not mean I would actually do it. For the record, I have never punched anyone, and I've only slapped two people ever - my friends older brother when we were like thirteen because he was being a dick, and a dude that I was totally not seeing last year for being a dick (after getting into a fight with me, it's best to apologize before making certain other remarks). Anyway, the ticket. I was issued a ticket for something other than being a crap driver, because I am not a crap driver. I am a fantastic driver, aggressive, slightly, but totally safe.

Completely unrelated: Since getting my front end suspension replaced earlier this year, my car totally doesn't shake anymore when I hit 70. And if I go faster (NEVER!) it still doesn't shake. YAY!

So, today was my court date. I woke up and took a shower and put on a cute vintage dress with cute sandals, and did not have to do my hair because !!! it is finally a length where it looks good when it air-dries! Anyway, I looked really cute today because court, like church, is an opportunity to boost my already extraordinarily inflated ego because I know that the likelihood of me looking cuter than most of the people around me is really high. Most days this frustrates me, I mean why don't people put in a little more effort?

I've been in a weird mood today, and apparently I'm taking it out on everything intangible.

I left my apartment with ample time to find parking, I thought. I was so wrong. I drove around for a fucking hour looking for a fucking parking spot. By the time I finally found a spot, I was half an hour late for court. Then I had to go through security. I had prepared myself for this part. I took everything that I knew was in my purse and not allowed in the courthouse out and left it in my car - my iPod, my phone, the granola bar. Apparently I had a spoon and the hardware from my curtain rod, a bottle of nail polish and my ipod headphones in my purse. And apparently, despite it not being listed anywhere (save the glass bottle of nail polish), those items are not allowed and I had to take them back to my car.

By this point I was really upset, but trying to retain my composure. This is something I am terrible at, what with all the crying I do. And then I read the sign above the door stating what is and isn't allowed in the courthouse, and it did not say anything about extraneous pieces of metal or headphones. Ugh. So, you know what I did? I threw my keys at the sign. At some point or another, I will throw my keys at everything. And if my phone happens to be in my hand, I throw that too.

A cop saw me do this and wouldn't let me go back inside because I was "hysterical." And he was "unsure" of what I might do once inside. Ummm... let's rewind for a moment, I'm a cute girl in a cute dress and I'm crying and yeah, I threw my keys. And this fucko was worried about me hurting someone. Seriously? Yes, and then another officer came outside and asked me what happened and I told him that apparently throwing my keys at a sign is illegal. To which he said "yes..." as though it was common knowledge. They went on to explain that I needed to calm down and that throwing something at government property could be considered vandalism, blahblahblah, and then they told me to calm down again. And Officer 2 explained that if I didn't calm down Officer 1 could arrest me. Arrest me? Amanda Pittman? The crying girl who just wanted to go to court to get her ticket dismissed? And they wonder why everyone hates them.

After this incident I had to go through security again, where I was told yet again to calm down. Like crying is a fucking crime. I cry, OKAY! I turned to the officer and told him that I would appreciate it if he didn't talk to me anymore because telling me repeatedly to calm down was in no way helping the situation. He stopped.

I found my way to the right room and they were on the Gs. Whew. So I pulled out my book and read for a full twenty minutes before another officer told me to put my book away. Seriously. I closed my book, but that wasn't good enough, no, I had to put it in my purse under the bench. I was still crying at this point, not for any particular reason, but because sometimes I just can't stop. Ugh. So I sat there silently making sure that the officer could see every scowl I cast in his direction until it was finally my turn. Though, I first had to listen to an officer and a defendant argue about french fries - true story. The officer said the defendant had McDonald's and the defendant claimed his fries were from Five Guys. Finally it was my turn and the charge was dismissed.

Finally.

Just when I was kindasorta starting to like Richmond, they had to remind me why I thought this city was stupid in the first place. This is why.

I go to shows to dance

I went to a concert last night. Not Phoenix, but Frightened Rabbit in DC because someone was kind enough to put me on the list. So, I get there during Maps and Atlases. And there are these three fat girls between me and the stage.

I was told that after I had lived in Richmond that I would become racist, that hasn't happened. I still think that people's economic situations are more relevant to their behavior than their race is. My only prejudice is against fat people. This is not to be confused with overweight people.

Overweight people are your friends, they don't suck at life, they dance at shows and they dress well. Fat people, are the opposite. I mean, would you call anyone that you like fat? No, because it's a mean thing to say. And I know I'm being mean right now.

Anyway, I am the biggest Frightened Rabbit fan I know, that is not borderline stalker (Eric, I'm looking at you). I saw them for the first time backstage at the Black Cat two years ago and fell in love. And I for some reason have not bought a ticket to see them ever, that first show I was reviewing (because Oxford Collapse was also playing) and then when they played Inauguration weekend I, like the show last night, wasn't anticipating a sell out, and talked my way in. Anyway, they were incredible last night, and the fat girls in front of me kept complaining about my dancing and screaming.

Dude. Really. We're at a fucking show. Manners don't exist and if I haphazardly run into you, I'm not sorry, because we're at a show and you should be moving too. These three chicks occasionally moved their heads, but mostly made me hate them more each time one of them took a turn to go get drinks and another would give me a look and say "my friend is coming back" or "my friend is back." It's a general admission show! People move. Get over it.

Also, to my left was a couple that was obviously in high school. They didn't move either. And they only knew songs off The Winter of Mixed Drinks. And the girl kept looking at me like I was insane. I went to shows in high school and I danced my fucking brains out. I was that annoying girl in high school now I'm just that annoying dancing girl who's still not 21, when is she turning 21?

I also drank a redbull as soon as I got there, and I'm not someone who consumes caffeine very often. A redbull does to me what a couple lines would do to someone else. So, I was super "jumpy" as Eric said.

I didn't even push to the middle, I was already so close that I didn't need to push any further forward, but my friend is not as aggressive as I am at shows. I can only imagine what the fatties would have passive aggressively said not-so-under-their-breaths if I had done that.

I have been to shows where short people have said to me and whomever I was with that we were too tall to be in front of them. I would really liked to have said something along the lines of, "you are taking up too much horizontal space..." but somehow that's not yet socially acceptable. I could go on about fat people in other areas of life, but I'll save it for another post.

I think I can...

The semester is ending, summer is approaching, and I'm totally not having summer this year. I'm determined to just get this shit, i.e. school, over with. So, I'm taking sixteen credits. I'm already freaking out about next semester and I'm not even done with this one. AND I have ton of stuff left to do. Ugh. So this weekend, I had previously planned on driving to Chapel Hill to see Frightened Rabbit (because the DC date is sold out and I'm going to see Phoenix that day anyway). This is kind of a big deal. I once drove to Philly and back in one night to see a show. This isn't unusual behavior for music nerds, but to normal people who don't get pissed when their favorite band(s) don't play their city.

Anyway, my point is that I'm attempting to be studious and giving up something that I love (A LOT, I saw them three times at SXSW) in exchange for something incredibly boring.

I have two, not one, but TWO friends who are graduating a year early from college and going to grad school this fall. They will be 22 with master's degrees. And I'm totally throwing a pity-party, my apologies, but I wish that I was as motivated as they are regarding academia.

I really want a degree in something Mass. Comm. related, but am starting to think that if I could just power through (and perhaps develop an addiction to Adderall) and get a degree in English or PoliSci and then get a master's in another city in something Mass. Comm. related. It would be more economical. That's what I'm telling myself, for now.

Even if the people here are terrible drivers, and generally incompetent, I've made it this long, I can tough it out a while longer.

Airport Departure: Part 3

At four o'clock in the morning the last thing I want anyone to do is talk to me, let alone have anyone "joke" with me. No, absolutely not. I haven't eaten anything, I didn't get a full nights sleep, and it sure as hell was not in my bed. I swear, if someone so much as looks at me the wrong way this morning, I am going to punch them in the face.

(I don't actually ever punch anyone, but I say that a lot. It's cathartic.)

I don't hate this person from Richmond, but I would never have chosen to travel with them on purpose. Last night he went on about how I look for dramatic situations to place myself in as to keep myself amused. This is not true. This shit happens. For example, the absurdity of the past twenty-four hours. He misinterpreted me from over a year ago, I hate it when people claim to "hate drama." No one "hates drama" because their lives would be fucking boring if there were no shred of drama in it.

Anyway, I am fully capable of reflecting on my life all by myself and last night's psychoanalysis was unwelcome, but mostly because of the person it was coming from. I almost wish I had cared enough to return the favor.

Today's security line was nonexistent. We got here over an hour ahead of time, and there was no line. There was not a single person ahead of us. Do you understand? I waited in a line yesterday that was like a mile long, and today, NOTHING. At least I still have internet access and can vent uninterrupted without anyone telling me to feel better. Everyone needs to vent, and yeah, I've vented a lot, but would too in my situation, or want to, or maybe not. Maybe you're a better person than I am. Maybe. I doubt it though. If you had spent twelve hours in an airport yesterday without the promise of going anywhere, you would probably hate everyone within sight too.

In the mean time, this is kind of making me feel better.



My flight leaves in less than an hour. I will be home, to my empty fridge and overflowing recycling in about six hours!

Je deteste...

This semester I'm taking French. I took three levels of it between middle school and high school. Level one was divided between sixth and seventh grade, level two was taken in eighth grade and level three in ninth grade. My high school required three years of one language or two years of two languages, so I was done with my foreign language requirement by ninth grade. So, I haven't taken French in over four years.

Every French teacher I have had has always been the following:

short
middleaged
female
paunchy
frumpy
permissive
self-righteous

My class is a part two course, part one was not offered this semester. I figured I'd be alright considering I have taken the equivalent before, and so far I've been able to keep up.

This class, it's divided into two groups, those who had my teacher last semester and in the same class and those who did not. It's apparent when you walk into the room which side is which. The loud, rude side is the former. And there is one loud, rude person in particular. I'll call her Denise.

Denise is one of those people who watches a lot of sports, is a huge Redskins and Capitols fan, but has never played a sport in her life. Though, she does wear cheerleading t-shirts frequently. This baffles me as she is about four times the size of anyone that was on my high school's cheerleading squad. But, she is loud. Very loud. Everything she does is done with maximum loudness.

When I walked into the class the first time, she shouted, "HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEIIII!!!!!!!!!!" from across the room while standing up. I was new, and I was a couple minutes late, but really? Who does that? She does. Since that day she has proceeded to interrupt class on a regular basis. If she sets her cell phone down, she doesn't set it down. Setting something down is a task that require no noise. She slams things down, her pen, pencil, phone, notebook, textbook, purse, everything.

The past two classes were spent watching the movies "Au Revoir les Enfants" - a movie based on a true story about World War II. We had the English subtitles on. Denise managed to ruin the film. She was constantly texting, on her computer, walking around, "whispering," etc. Only once did our teacher (permissive, not at all assertive) ask her to be quiet.



It took everything in me to not say anything. I mean we're all adults, at least legally, and most of us are able to exercise some level of self-control, manners. Denise has no regard for those around her and no concept of what is polite. This week a boy came into class and explained that he was having trouble with the drink machine, but it finally worked and gave him three Cokes. Denise, blithely volunteered to take one off his hands. He being a better person than I am, conceded.

By the end of the movie she had finished her Coke and exclaimed that she didn't understand anything that had gone on in the movie, especially the ending - a part that had me crying. She of course did this loudly. And I of course politely explained that perhaps if she had been paying attention instead of texting or facebooking that maybe she would have known what was going on. She looked at me as though I had just slapped her in the face.

Perhaps I was the one being rude. Perhaps it would have been better to not say anything, but people like her need to be educated in the ways of what is and is not appropriate behavior and in what setting. And perhaps it's not my place to be that person, but I kept my cool, didn't raise my voice, and politely expressed my opinion. I have the feeling that her actions are all to cover up her insecurities, everyone does that to some degree, but most keep it at a reasonable volume.

Fucking Richmond

I would like to tell you a story. It's about a girl who is in college, working, attempting to have a social life, has no love life because boys suck, and often gets home late.

This girl is currently transitioning between roommates and paid her utilites last week. Of these, her cable and internet were included. But her carrier, Comcast sent her a statement that stated that she was behind in her payments, except, this was the first she had heard from them in months, even after calling the customer service people asking about her bills. They told her it was fine before this statment was sent, but whatever, she has intergrity, she knew that the bill needed to be paid and so she paid it.

Then about a week after sending them a check she get another bill saying that she is late, but her check hasn't gone through yet. So she tries to check everything out online, but their Web site keeps haveing "errors" and tells her to "check back at a later time." Awesome.

Then she notices flashing outside her window. So, of course she felt the need to know what was going on. She waslked outside and saw two police cars sitting next to each other, not doing anything, just two chatting policemen. Nothing odd going on, no one being loud, no one drunkenly walking home, nothing. So she stood on the sidewalk and watched them until the police officer in the closer car noticed her and they drove off.

The. End.


I can deal with people being loud outside. I can deal with hearing everyone drive by, but flashing lights when I'm trying to go to bed, not so much.

And Comcast is being stupid.

And my I had to call my land lord company today to tell them about the leak in my bathroom FOR THE THIRD TIME! They "fixed" it for the third time also. And the trash situation behind my building is getting out of hand. I sweartodgod that if thing don't start getting better around here, I will totally stage an uprising in my complex and sue those motherfuckers. Sure, it may be late, and I may be tired, but I am so over dealing with Richmond's bullshit. I get that companies that lease to college students take advantage of us, and I know it's my fault for not doing more research before I moved in, but that doesn't mean everyone has to deal with it. Mainly anyone who may rent with my company in the future. They already think I'm a nuisance for reporting everyfuckinglittlething, but I shouldn't have to, because it shouldn't be a problem. Kind of like how with my roommate I was always asking her to do stuff around the apartment, but wasn't so much mad that she wasn't doing it as much as I was mad she had to be asked to do it - like that, except with a rental company that makes bank off of poor college students who can't afford to live somewhere better. I am so serious about this. And I know that I'm taking on a ton of stuff this year, but this ahs to be done. Richmond needs a swift kick in the ass and who better to give it to them than myself?

healthcareshmelthcare

As someone who grew up with military healthcare, I have to disagree wholeheartedly with the idea that the military has the best healthcare in the country. It is an HMO, it doesn't cover all types of care and it is fairly conservative - contraception, it's an issue, especially for those not married. Just saying.

So, last night when I was watching this video, my mother invited me to one of those Tea Parties that the conservative movement has been holding across the country. I am all for free speech, and freedom of expression and making your views known to your elected leaders, but I'm not going to participate in something I don't believe in, but I find it fascinating that my mother still feels the need to argue with me about things. Healthcare is a privilege and if socialize healthcare is the only way we can achieve this, then so be it. In a society where employers aren't always able to afford to insure their employees, and in a country where they already have a limited public system, it only makes sense to make it accessible to more people.

waiting for may

I am missing the Crystal Stilts/Comet Gain show right now. I am attempting to spend less time in DC and you know, am really low on funds. This whole being a poor-college-student thing is not working out for me.

I drove around all day on an empty tank, thankfully "all day" means no more than ten miles, so after work I finally filled up. The dudes in front of me had their bass turned all the way up. Really? At the gas station? When you're car isn't even moving? Douchebags. I hate that. In response to their obnoxious behavior, I decided to be equally obnoxious and blast The Long Blondes, if for no other reason than to drown them out.

When I turned around there was a homeless man who popped up out of no where who was complementing my music and of course asking for money. I awkwardly told him that I didn't have any change, and I didn't. I very rarely carry anything besides my debit card, and besides he approached me and that was a little nerve-racking.

Also nerve-racking (I'm pretty sure I'm spelling that wrong, sorry) is the end of this semester. It's going horribly. I just want it to be over and for it to be May already. And I want to know where I'm going to be living and I wantwantwant. I think I'm going to spend the first two weeks after I move in free of electronics, well at least no internet or outgoing calls and texts and just work on the apartment.

I've spent a couple days this week helping my sister take down wall-paper in her new house and just being there gets me excited about painting and decorating my place. As of right now, RIGHT NOW! I will be inheriting a bunch of stuff from my parents including, but not limited to: one coffee table, three matching book shelves, pots and pans, glasses, another "kidney" shaped table, a bed and dresser - all of it is at least thirty years old, except for maybe the kitchen stuff. This is in addition to the monkey chair and my desk and this really awesome lamp/pyramid table that I got from someone my mom cleans for. This is enough furniture form y bedroom and the living room. We really only need a kitchen table, a couch and an entertainment center cabinet thing (though there is one at Diversity thrift that I reallyreallyreally want). Dear GOD! I am so excited about this. And I'll have framed pictures on walls that I will have painted and my flower menorah, and then I'll have pictures to prove how awesome my apartment will be (that is way better than everyone elses).

It's really not that hard

I work next to 3 Monkeys, a local bar/sports-bar/bro-hangout. I do not particularly like the place, but it isn't expensive and it's convenient, so I order from there quite a bit. I usually get a pineapple pizza (they're small and I can usually make it last two or three meals) or a salad. Nothing too complicated. Though they don't have a "pineapple pizza" listed on their menu, instead it's a "monkey pie" with ham. I always specify that I do not want ham, only pineapple. Again, not complicated.

Usually we call and the wait is about fifteen minutes. So, we wait, pick up our food, eat - the end. Today my coworker and I ordered desserts - mousse and a brownie sundae. Over the phone they told us that it would be about ten minutes. That was fine, until I got there and waited twenty more.

The waitress that was "helping" me is tall, slim, has long dark hair and is quite a bit older than the rest of the girls that work there. She always manages to screw up my order. She can't manage to remember that it's only pineapple, and will give me ham, or there won't be any toppings, or there will just be ham, or it will be completely wrong all together. Tonight, she just made me wait. I am a very impatient person, and could have gone to Kroger's and bought a half-gallon of ice cream and a pan of brownies in the time that it took for her to scoop it into a styrofoam container. When I paid she asked if I needed change, and I of course told her yes. Then when I finally got my order, said thank you and started to turn around, she grasped the box and kind of squatted down as to be on my level and forcefully said, "You're. Welcome." Needless to say, I did not tip her, surprisingly for the first time.

I'm fairly certain that she complained about how rude I was after I left, but I don't feel bad. She sucks. The other customers suck, and all the waitresses are skinny-fat chicks who put out, a lot. It's the type of place that people who actually like Georgetown would go and be like "Oh, this isn't bad. TWO DOLLAR MILLER LITE! Hell yes!"

On being a Big Girl

The hardest part about coming to college has been living in the dorms. VCU has two campuses and I live on the medical campus, I'm not sure why they have a fresman dorm there, but they do and most people don't like it. I miss having a living room, a kitchen, you know, more than half a 14 x 10 room to put my stuff. I want an entertainment center instead of an old barber's chair and a desk to put a television and stereo. I want a big-girl-bed instead of one that I have to pull out from the wall to lay on. But most of all I just want a place where I am not constantly surrounded by nineteen year-olds. Of course my dorm is better than those on the main campus because it's quieter and there are a lot of transfer students AND a lot of people have moved out to live on the other campus as rooms became available, I'm pretty sure that at least half my floor has moved out. I like that.

As a result of my dislike of the dorms I have taken to checking Craigslist obsessively. The only problem with this is that most of the places that are available now won't be in July or August, but at least I'm getting an idea. My parents bought my sister a house, she got a roommate and they paid rent, but still. It was an adorable house, it would have been perfect for me and my roommate (we are getting a place together next year), but they sold it last year when she got married. Richmond is cheap, you can get a two bedroom apartment for seven hundred dollars here. Jessica (roommate) and I don't want to pay more than five hundred each. When we tell this to people they always look shocked and then say something about that being so expensive. Really? Expensive?

Jessica's sister told us the other day that "part of being in college is having a shitty first apartment." I disagree. I have already done the dorm thing, I am by no means going to live in a "shitty" apartment if I can help it. I want to find the place and stay there until I graduate.
I have also taken to looking at furniture online and am really excited for a big-girl-bed. I am going to get a queen size and I've found three on Overstock.com that I love. I'm going to keep my duvet, it's brown with white polka-dots and Ikea no longer carries the design, but the Armstrongs have it too of Dooce.com. (If I get the time I'll find a picture of it and set up the link, but I really don't feel like it right now.) I like the pattern, it's very gender neutral, and it's not black. Though, I am leaning towards the black bed frame.
My apartment will not be shitty. It will be painted and have framed pictures and fresh flowers and a coffee table, and dishes and a couch and chairs and a DVD/VHS player and rugs and...

girls suck

Boys suck. A lot. And so do their gal pals.

I had a recent encounter with a girl that is friends with guy-friend of mine. She thought it would be appropriate to go on about how "he's not worth (my) time" and "he will always belong to (this other chick who was a rebound to begin with)" and on about that sort of stuff. I explained to her that we're just friends, and retained my left hook.

I do not understand where girls get off being so overly protective of their guy-friends. I mean, this is not the first time this has happened to me and I haven't told him about it.

I played nice that evening and even went home and added her on facebook, she of course declined and well, that's just petty.

I have plenty of guy friends and while I'll tell them what I think of the other people they hang out with, I would never in my life dream of being as rude as this chick.

For example, I have a friend I'll call Mark, and he's liked this chick for most of this semester. But she is boring and unmotivated and doesn't have an opinion about anything, she is a follower, and they are annoying. It has taken weeks for him to realize this. I got it from the first time I met her, but I am cordial and polite, and make friendly conversation. I would never have told her, "Hey, Mark prefers girls that have ambition and opinions and enjoy being out and about as much as he does. He's also not over his ex, so you should really stop wasting your time." That would have been rude, and while I'm known for being very outspoken, I know where to draw the line.

I understand that people want what is best for their friends, I certainly do, but one can encourage what they believe is best without imposing, no? Of course we are attracted to all our friends, so maybe what she meant to say was "I am in love with him and am moving farfar away to try and get over him, he knows this and is encouraging me to do so." Yeah, I think that's what she meant. And that's what is happening at least as far as I understand.

I would like to say more, because I am just so angry, but I will restrain myself and hope that in the future she will as well.

The end.

On being tolerant

It is 1:02 AM. I am staying up in an attempt to get some of the work I would otherwise have to do tomorrow, like writing a paper and applying for internships, and of course watching Conan O'Brien.



I finished my State Department application, but on the last page it has two options, "Activate Resume" and "Save for Later." Well, I'm done, I'm finished and I have hit "Activate Resume" about twenty times. Nothing has happened. I feel like it should take me to another page, but it doesn't, it just keeps refreshing. I'm not freaking out - I am frustrated. And since my dad works for the State Department I thought I'd give him a call to see if he knew what was up, but of course he didn't answer (since when does he go to sleep before one?).

While all of this is happening a bunch of girls from my floor come into the commons room/kitchen/tv room to make dinner? Or is it breakfast at this hour? Whatever, they were loud and cooking frozen meals in the microwave. Really. I mean, isn't it obvious that I'm busy, that I am working on something? Isn't it courteous to be quiet at night? Or at least try to? What the hell! AND THEN! And then, the fat one started to change the channel! WTF! I thought I had claimed my space. She noticed my look of terror and asked if I was watching this and after telling her that I was she proceeded to complain about late night comedy - all the while talking loudly to her miniature roommate.

This girl (I should probably know the names of the girls on my floor by now, but I don't, because they are like this) is one of those people that puts items in the microwave for much longer than they need to be microwaved and checks on them every thirty seconds. Do you know how annoying that is? Microwave doors, when combined with loud girls, are increasingly loud. While waiting for her meal, she discussed how healthy pasta is, despite the huge calorie count on the label. I really wanted to explain to her that that was the reason she, and everyone who has gained the "freshman fifteen" are fat, but I didn't, and it was hard. Because she was annoying. And fat. And loud. And obviously clueless. Dude! She didn't even press the "clear/cancel" button when the food was done. Because that is what those people that put food in the microwave much longer than they need to be microwaved do! They don't clear it! And then it beeps! And then it says "Press Start" across the little screen until someone presses clear! AGH!

Anyway, she is gone now. And I am watching Conan in peace.

stupid sleeves

Last night I was looking at pictures that one of my old roommates from mormon-camp (EFY) had posted. They were of her sister's wedding.

My current roommate, Jessica, was also raised in the Mormon Church, and we both hate typical Mormon fashion. In the pictures were dresses that looked just how they always look, boring. They all had the exact same shape, despite different body types, and the same horrible sleeves* and of course dreadful neckline.

If you have ever been to any sort of formal event where you are surrounded mostly by mormons you will notice that they are all dressed in a very similar way. I mean, guys are typically required to wear a suit of some kind for a formal situation, and girls, a dress. But dresses typically have more personality, I'm not saying that they can't be modest, I just don't understand why they all have to use the exact same pattern.

Looking at these you will see what I'm talking about. I mean really, couldn't they at least make some with long sleeves? or three-quarter length (though, one would have to be very careful with those because they are very easy to screw up in formal wear). **

I'm not even going to get into prom dresses, except the colors are horrible.

*Sleeves are required to cover the shoulders at all times. That's fine, whatever. But when I see girls wearing a shirt under a sundress, I really wonder why they didn't choose the cuter option of wearing a cardigan. Not to mention that capped sleeves really get old after awhile, and because of the way they are situated on any garment they usually aren't flattering because most people don't have toned upper-arms.

**As Ben pointed out that site does. But you will notice that their version of long sleeves is very similar to that of a wizard, and are overall hideous. My point in that specific link was to point out how similar all of the dresses are. Of course someone could argue that all wedding dresses look similar because they are formal and white, but these just don't have any personality.

skinny-fat people

You all know that I hate fat people, and I know I probably shouldn't, but I do.

I just had dinner for the first time at the dining hall on the Monroe Park campus. I've eaten there before, but always for lunch. Dinner is incredibly different, and by different I mean that's when everyone comes out of hiding and gorges themselves on tasteless mush. This would be fine, but tonight I've discovered (not really, but noticed more than usual) skinny-fat people. These are usually girls that are very small, but when you get closer you realized that they lack any sort of tone on their body. That is to say, they lack muscle. And despite their small size many have bellies, like pot-bellies, and muffin tops; though the muffin tops are typically covered by a cardigan.

I've decided I'm not going to stand for it anymore. No more will these tiny people be allowed to get away with being fat by being disguised in a small package.

In all seriousness though, I wish that people would realize that despite the size zero on their jeans that it is still possible to be unhealthy. And not in an anorexic/bulimic way, but in the "I'm naturally skinny, why do I need to exercise" type of way. I mean regular fat people suck, but tiny-fat people suck even more.

Some may say that I'm simply jealous - they obviously do not know how vain I am. I simply find it annoying that people don't think they need to take care of their bodies because of their small body.

I love Sarah Palin almost as much as I love Strawberry Mentos

I was running late to Focused Inquiry today, and about halfway there when Emily (from class) texted me to let me know that our professor never showed. Huzzah! I hate that class. Afterwards Lessa called and we ended up chatting about politics among other things for almost an hour when I realized I was late for an interview.

I ran by Rite-Aid to pick up some cassettes, to record the interview, and was distracted at the checkout by Mentos. More specifically, Strawberry Mentos. STRAWBERRY MENTOS! I've had them before, but they don't carry them everywhere, and Mentos are the best candy, so making them strawberry flavored just gets me giddy! I bought a box, and a box of sugarfree mixed berry. Mentos aren't particularly fattening, but they are unhealthy, so making them berry flavored and getting rid of the sugar..Whoa! It just keeps getting better.

After suffering from a short sugar overdose, I hopped on my bike and headed to the Republican Headquarters of Richmond...to interview a Republican for Ink (the school magazine). I was worried about being late, but he wasn't there. So I sat, and waited for them to give me some information about how to reach him later. While I was waiting a woman came in, in a very large, very red shirt. Across the front it said SARAH!

I had some "promotional" bags from Images and thought I'd give her one, I really need to build my clientele. She wouldn't take it but said, "I get my hair done in my neighborhood, AND I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU!" And she tossed me an identical red shirt, in an extra-large.

I wasn't going to pass that up! A free shirt! That supports Sarah Palin! What more could a woman want? Nothing, that is the correct answer.

So, now I have a giant, red, tent that says SARAH! on it. I haven't yet decided what I'm going to do with it. Maybe a halloween costume? Maybe a "gift" for my mom? I don't know, but it's pretty sweet.

*Guys, look what I found, they should not be allowed to sell such large quantities to the general public.

Left-wing Limbaugh

I talked to my professor today. He thinks that I am too negative. He doesn't like my "generalizations." Our discussion regarding my "problem" led to my admitting to not going out of my way to be nice because I don't care about offending people. I have yet to meet a journalist that is "nice" i.e. boring. Nice people suck. They lack substance. They aim to please and are easily trampled. I'm not saying I'm mean, I'm just honest.

In my papers it's been revealed that I worship Anna Wintour and Graydon Carter, and he asked me how I would feel if he told me that he hated what I was wearing. I am sick, and I was wearing my jim-jams. And I typically don't care because I'm not trying to impress anyone. If I look nice, it's because I felt like looking better than usual that day. I typically wear jeans, a band-tee, and vans, but if I had more money I would probably dress better all the time.

Anyway, I don't think he believed me when I told him that it wouldn't bother me.

We went on to discuss my hatred for the majority of my peers. Apparently I shouldn't call them stupid, even if it is true. And despite giving examples, he said that is wasn't enough.

He went to Yale for his undergrad, that's pretty impressive, even if it was for acting. He agrees with me about the overall Richmond attitude, but came here because VCU has one of the best acting programs in the country.

He also said that if he were to present my papers to anyone in the journalism department that they would be offended. I doubt it unless they're broadcast, I called broadcast-journalism majors people that have the "I-want-to-be-on-TV-but-have-never-acted-and-have-no-real-talent-but-have-a-huge-ego-and-want-to-be-famous" mentality. Which is true. He also called me cynical. I have never denied this, and I don't see anything wrong with it. As a journalist I want the truth, I shouldn't have to be tactful about it. If someone is screwing up, I'll say so and present evidence. I'm not going to try and paint a pretty picture in the name of tact. That's just silly.

After class the other students in my group wanted to know what we talked about. I told them. We had all discussed my opinionated nature before. Karl compared me to Rush Limbaugh, who, I disagree with on almost all accounts, I do respect. This wasn't the first time I've been compared to Limbaugh, I had a couple teacher in high school who also had that opinion. But, Limbaugh is a college drop-out who just wanted to be on the radio. His opinions are heard everywhere and influence thousands of people in the States. I'm not going to discredit that, that's amazing. I don't plan on dropping out, but I'll certainly be doing something similar.