How to use a Telephone

Everyone I know is incapable of using the telephone, more spceifically, their cell phones. I believe that I am one-hundred percent correct in thinking that the reason we have telephones is so that we can be reached virtually any time.

I'll admit, I'm needy, and am very much a phone person because I like to be in constant contact with the rest of the world. Unfortunately all the people that I'm closest with are idiots in the telephone realm and never pick up. This becomes a large problem when I'm having a shitty day and need someone to vent to, am having computer problems, have made plans with them, etc.

Now I understand that sometimes people need time to themselves or whatever, but this isn't an occasional thing; this happens to me all the time. Literally.

The only acceptable reasons for not answering the phone are as follows:

1. You are using the bathroom - Now, I know people that use that phone while they're taking a dump. I personally find this repulsive.

2. You are in the shower - I also know people talk on the phone in the shower (I hear them here at school) but I don't see how combining electronics and water is ever a good idea.

3. You don't have service/are on the metro/bus - Alright, so these could all be separate, but they're very similar. If you don't have service, that's fine, or if you lose it while we're talking, have the decency to call me back. If you're on the metro/bus, everyone knows you should never talk on the phone because you will annoy everyone around you.

4. You are having sex - Actually, I hope that for all the times I call people and they don't answer that they are having sex because that would mean that they have an exceptionally healthy sex life. And everyone knows that they more you have the happier you are. So when you're done, you should be in a really good mood and therefore even more pleasant to talk to, so call me back.

5. You're at work - So, this isn't really an excuse unless you have a government job and aren't allowed to take your phone to work. At every other job, you most likely have your phone at work and will be fired if you're talking on it excessively, I understand that, I really do, but that's why you have a plan with texting, so you can tell me that. Duh.
If you don't have texting then we will probably never be in contact again.

If I'm calling I obviously have something to say, and when you don't answer or call back you just make me mad.

Yesterday my sister and I made plans to hang out today. She told me to call her at any time today so that she could come pick me up. It's been two hours since I first called. Her husband also didn't answer, so by God they better be having sex.