modern masochist

Today I have eaten two pieces of toast with butter and strawberry jam, about twenty gummy bears (the green ones, I'm eating my least favorite first, you know, saving the best for last) and one kinder egg. My stomach is probably hungry but at this point I feel like I would throw up anything I consume.

I have a headache, and have tried napping. It didn't work, so I watched last weeks episode of Gossip Girl, too many SNL sketches and wrote some shitty poetry with my new Cerruti pen. It works quite well, and has a two year warranty. I hope I don't lose it. I always lose things that I really like. I'm usually a ball-point bic type of chick, but I think I might be changing.

In addition to all of this BYT has posted "The Big Empty" as their (Vintage) Video of the Day. It is a very depressing short film that really has sent my lethargy for the day over the edge. I like it though, I like sad things. I hope no one ever discovers an artic landscape in my vagina and then dies in it. I can imagine that would be really awful. I like not being empty.

I'm also rediscovering writing. I mean I write almost every day, usually I don't think it's very good, and the past few weeks I've felt like it's just gotten worse. But maybe it's getting better and I'm becoming more critical of my own work. That's not so bad, I guess. And I have a great new pen, and even if my computer doesn't always like to play music, it still let's me write, usually without interruption.

And in addition to all of this the sweater weather that I usually enjoy this time of year is getting me down. My fore-arms and shins have been achey for about a week now, and I'm almost positive that it's the change in weather.

I've been listening to Frightened Rabbit too much, that's probably detrimental to my emotional well being. But here are the lyrics to the song that I cannot get out of my head (well this one more than the others, but they all sound about like this).

The Modern Leper

A cripple walks amongst you all you tired human beings
He's got all the things a cripple has not working arms and legs
And vital parts fall from his system and dissolve in Scottish rain
Vitally he doesn't miss them he's too fucked up to care
Well is that you in front of me?
Coming back for even more of exactly the same
You must be a masochist to love a modern leper on his last leg
On his last leg
Well I crippled your heart a hundred times
And still can't work out why
You see I've got this disease I can't shake
And I'm just rattling through life
Well this is how we do things now
Yeah this is how the modern stay scared
So I cut out all the good stuff
Yeah I cut off my foot to spite my leg
Well is that you in front of me?
Coming back for even more of exactly the same
You must be a masochist to love a modern leper on his last leg
Well I am ill
But I'm not dead
And I don't know which of those I prefer
Because that limb which I have lost
Well it was the only thing holding me up
Holding me up
Well I'm lying on the ground now
Walking through the only door
Well I have lost my eye sight
Like I said I would
But I still know
And that is you in front of me
And you are back for even more of exactly the same
Well are you a masochist to love a modern leper on his last leg
And you are not ill
And I'm not dead
Doesn't that make us the perfect pair
Just you and me
We'll start again
And you can tell me all about what you did today
What you did today