Dear Universe,

I would really appreciate it if you would quit teasing me. I mean, I'm a social person, I put myself out there. I mean, I put out. And I am fully capable of meeting the following type of boy:

Boys in cities other than the one that I live in
Boys in relationships
Boys that travel constantly
Boys that live with their parents
Boys that don't have cars
Boys that don't have jobs
Boys that like boys

But I would like to meet someone with the following:

A car, job and a home not shared with any family members. It's a plus if he lives by himself. One that has a job, but doesn't travel every other week. And a boy that is not at all involved with anyone else. AND LIVES IN RICHMOND. And one that likes girls and only girls - fine if he had that one experience freshman year, but he should have it all out of his system.

I know that seems like an impossible list, but surely there has to be someone like that in this godforsaken city. I mean, really. I didn't even get to physical preferences ( 6'+, not blond hair, and it would be nice if all of my clothing was too small for him). And it would be nice if her were into music, has some athletic ability, and bathes on a regular basis. If he enjoys bourbon, red wine and watching bad tv that would be nice too. I also like dudes who look good in jeans and suits and know when it is appropriate to kiss in public.




But above all, the single-straight-in-Richmond part it the most important. And maybe that bit about kissing. I'm usually against PDA, but I had a poster of "Kissing the War Goodbye" on my wall at my parent's house in high school. And I fell asleep wishing to be that nurse a lot of nights, and it's all so horribly pathetic and romantic, and I have been kissed like that exactly once. I want it to happen again.

Sincerely,

Amanda Jewell Pittman


P.S. If this means I have to stop kissing in general for awhile, I could do that. I need to learn self-control anyway.

I go to shows to dance

I went to a concert last night. Not Phoenix, but Frightened Rabbit in DC because someone was kind enough to put me on the list. So, I get there during Maps and Atlases. And there are these three fat girls between me and the stage.

I was told that after I had lived in Richmond that I would become racist, that hasn't happened. I still think that people's economic situations are more relevant to their behavior than their race is. My only prejudice is against fat people. This is not to be confused with overweight people.

Overweight people are your friends, they don't suck at life, they dance at shows and they dress well. Fat people, are the opposite. I mean, would you call anyone that you like fat? No, because it's a mean thing to say. And I know I'm being mean right now.

Anyway, I am the biggest Frightened Rabbit fan I know, that is not borderline stalker (Eric, I'm looking at you). I saw them for the first time backstage at the Black Cat two years ago and fell in love. And I for some reason have not bought a ticket to see them ever, that first show I was reviewing (because Oxford Collapse was also playing) and then when they played Inauguration weekend I, like the show last night, wasn't anticipating a sell out, and talked my way in. Anyway, they were incredible last night, and the fat girls in front of me kept complaining about my dancing and screaming.

Dude. Really. We're at a fucking show. Manners don't exist and if I haphazardly run into you, I'm not sorry, because we're at a show and you should be moving too. These three chicks occasionally moved their heads, but mostly made me hate them more each time one of them took a turn to go get drinks and another would give me a look and say "my friend is coming back" or "my friend is back." It's a general admission show! People move. Get over it.

Also, to my left was a couple that was obviously in high school. They didn't move either. And they only knew songs off The Winter of Mixed Drinks. And the girl kept looking at me like I was insane. I went to shows in high school and I danced my fucking brains out. I was that annoying girl in high school now I'm just that annoying dancing girl who's still not 21, when is she turning 21?

I also drank a redbull as soon as I got there, and I'm not someone who consumes caffeine very often. A redbull does to me what a couple lines would do to someone else. So, I was super "jumpy" as Eric said.

I didn't even push to the middle, I was already so close that I didn't need to push any further forward, but my friend is not as aggressive as I am at shows. I can only imagine what the fatties would have passive aggressively said not-so-under-their-breaths if I had done that.

I have been to shows where short people have said to me and whomever I was with that we were too tall to be in front of them. I would really liked to have said something along the lines of, "you are taking up too much horizontal space..." but somehow that's not yet socially acceptable. I could go on about fat people in other areas of life, but I'll save it for another post.

Cartwheel Fail!

"I'm running late. I may or may not have fallen..."

"You are too old to be scraping your knees."

"Drinking wine and then doing cartwheels is a bad idea."
"Duh."
"But I'm usually coordinated enough to do relatively simple, fun tasks on whims."

"Did you skin your knee?"
"And my hands."
"How did you do that?"
"I did a cartwheel that started on the grass and ended on the sidewalk."
"Was there alcohol involved?"
"Yes..."

"Well I wasn't sure what was happening. One minute you were walking beside me, the next you were like, falling in slow motion, and I couldn't do anything at that point."

"My knee! Watch the knee!"

"How does my face look?"

"Beautiful."


There was this one time, not at all related to the above, where my sister thought it was a good idea to do a cartwheel on my bed and got her foot stuck in the wall. Unfortunately we have neither cartwheel incident on video, so I found this instead.



And this:

I hate running.

My ass is sore. I would ask someone for an ass massage, but I don't think that would go over very well, though I can think of a couple of people who would probably oblige.

I am not a runner. I hate running; probably more than any other thing that I have ever done. Sprint? Sure! Hike? Great! Walk? For hours! Run? No.

I grew up playing softball and volleyball. Neither sport requires long distance running, though I did have the occasional coach who thought it necessary to lead us on several mile runs after we lost a game (and for the record I hated her, and she was a terrible coach aside from those runs and she was no match for her predecessor). I also used to go to the gym when I lived with my parents. I can stay on an elliptical all day. But "running" a mile on the elliptical is not the same as running a mile outside. That machine totally lies. I used to go to the gym and do an hour on the elliptical before making my way around to the other machines, and it wasn't a problem.

I have been making an effort as of late to take better care of my body. I already eat fairly healthfully and stretch, and hula hooping (it totally counts as exercise). I went for an interval jog on Friday. I ran a block, walked a block down to a local lake then walked around the lake and ran/walked the way back. It was easier on the way back, so I did it again on Saturday. And, it totally kicked my ass. It doesn't help that I'm bad at breathing - that sounds stupid, I know, but really I think that I lack the lung capacity to breath correctly while running. This is something I really need to work on.

I have no intention to run a marathon or participate in any sort of race. I would just like to develop some level of endurance, of which I currently, apparently, have none.

On Sunday, instead of going for my walk/run I went for a walk with my very pregnant sister. She is six feet tall, and prior to her pregnancy her strides were something my 5'7" couldn't always keep up with. Sunday she kept telling me to slow down, something I'm used to hearing from my shorter, slow friends, but not from her, and I know it's wrong - she is pregnant, but this is probably the only time that I will ever be faster than her at anything. She, in addition to volleyball, played soccer and ran track, so whenever I've complained about running she has always had something to say.

I have no intention of paying for a gym membership, and as I said, the gym is totally fake. So, slowly, but steadily, I'll hopefully be able to develop a respectable running habit. Though, I'm totally going to stop if certain parts of my body start to shrink. I like my body as is, I would just like to be able to run a mile without falling over after.

Renovations Pt. 1

There are currently four dudes hanging out in my dining room replacing the furnace and A/C units. Which is awesome, but hugely inconvenient and uncomfortable. We have had maintenance issues before, mostly in the bathroom, and those maintenance guys have been great. One, Ed, and I saw each other so often last summer that I would just call him directly when there was a problem. It turned out that my upstairs neighbors were retarded and only put a liner on one side of their tub so the water that made it's way out the other side would collect and trickle down through the electric system and collect in the light in our bathroom. I finally asked them if I could see their bathroom to see if I could figure out what the deal was, and when I saw that, I politely asked them to get another liner for the other side of the tub. Stupidstupid girls.

Anyway, Ed. He got to the point where he would call me and vent. I think he started to think of me as a surrogate daughter or something. He was about my dad's age, and was also a Viet-Nam veteran and his contracting business had gone under with the recession so he started working for my leasing company to make ends meat.

While I was on vacation with my family I got a call from Ed's ex-wife asking for Rachel (or Anne?). Apparently Ed and his daughter were estranged and his ex saw the area code and thought that maybe my number was his daughter's. He died of heart failure. I wasn't able to make it to the funeral. No one has been as reliable or informed as he was.

The main guy working on the HVAC stuff reminds me of Ed, but is not quite as conversational. And the other dudes are all Hispanic and don't speak English well, and ogle me when I leave my room. This is only the beginning of the renovations for my apartment. They started renovations on all of the buildings on my block a couple months ago and the various plumbing and roofing trucks have been taking up all the space in the parking lot. It's now to the point where we can't park there at all. And supposedly we'll have all new appliances by the end of the month and a new tub (while I like the current claw-foot tub, it's not quite long enough for me to fully enjoy taking a bath) and sink in the bathroom.

I find it interesting that this is what my leasing company is "fixing" because the only complaints that I've had since moving in have been vermin related. Though, I've been pretty good at dealing with that problem on my own, it would be nice if the leasing company hired an exterminating company. Oh, and my neighbors. The ones across the hall and the ones upstairs are so loud, ALL THE TIME. I should not have the television on and still be able to hear my neighbors across the hall or outside. I'm pretty sure Richmond has no idea what common sense or common courtesy are.

I would gladly go without a new refrigerator and dishwasher if they just got rid of the bugs and replaced the plaster walls with sheet rock and put in double-paned windows. Really, people, you have no idea what a luxury double-paned windows are. With my luck everything will be done by the time I move out and I won't even get a chance to sort of enjoy it.