Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The Porn Stars Upstairs

When Jessica and I moved into our apartment in May there was a very quiet dude who lived above us with his two tiny dogs. The dogs were also very quiet. And because of all this quiet I was able to sleep during typical sleeping hours.

Then he moved out and a bunch of Asian chicks moved in. They are decidedly not the brightest crayons in the box. I have to complain to them about something weekly. It started with them "building a bookshelf" at midnight. Really. Apparently they missed the memo from suburbia: Be quiet between 9 am and 9 pm. Common courtesy. Learn it. Geez.

Anyway, they were also the cause of the leak in our bathroom. They didn't have a shower curtain going all the way around the inside of their tub. Odd, considering that Jessica bought three from the dollar store (or somewhere) to fit all the way around our tub as soon as we moved in. I had to ask to see their bathroom and asked if they would mind putting a curtain up on all sides of their tub. They obliged and the leak stopped. Huzzah!

But they're still really loud. And they're always having dudes over. Attractive dudes. Attractive, dumb dudes. Anthea and I have decided that all the noise we hear all the time and the explanation for their furniture always being in a different place (because I get to peek in every time they open the door when I ask them to stop doing whatever it was that they were doing) is that they are porn stars filming orgies in their living and dining rooms. Fetish porn. Fetish-tiny-asian-girls-with-cut-white-dudes porn.

Last night I stayed up fairly late. And every time Anthea of myself heard something loud and indistinguishable we would blame it on their "shoot." Well we finally wanted to go to bed, around one (which is late for a Wednesday night) and they were still being really loud. One would have thought that it would have stopped by that point, but I was so wrong. So I went up and knocked. The door opened a little bit, but not enough to see anything. Then someone closed it all the way and I heard scattering of people and whispers, including this gem, "Hide. It's the cops." To which I responded that it was just the girl from downstairs. Eventually some dude who does not live there answered the door and asked what the problem was. I explained that they were being really loud, that I had work in the morning, etc. to which he was apologetic. And they were quieter...for like fifteen minutes. Then the boys - three of them - moved to the stoop in front of my building, but more importantly outside my bedroom window. After my doorbell had been rung TWICE I went out and asked them to be quiet, again. On a fucking Wednesday night. They explained that it was their friend's 21st birthday and that they didn't ring our doorbell. I had to point out that he was LEANING against all of the doorbells! And when I asked why they didn't take their friend out to a bar, you know, as is customary on 21st birthdays (Hey! Everyone! I expect to be drinking for free in Richmond and/or DC for my 21st, and cupcakes should be involved, in return I will bake for all of your birthdays. Wait, I already do that, because I am awesome.). The more attractive of the three told me it was too late to go to a bar because they were closing, he apparently didn't understand that they should have taken her out hours before. What the hell?

So, I'm pretty sure they hate me. And telling myself that they're "filming" is starting to make me feel better. I just really hope I never meet a dude that's really into Asian chicks w/Bros porn.

Friday, August 14, 2009

eight going on thirty

When I was in the second grade the majority of the girls in my class were getting their ears pierced or already had them pierced. I wanted so badly to be able to wear the same sparkly studs as the rest of them, but in my family we weren't allowed to get out ears pierced until we were sixteen. By the time I reached fourth grade I had started making "earrings" out of copper wire that I had taken out of hard drives my dad brought home from work. I would take them apart (and attempt to put them back together...) and keep the copper wire. I had a LOT of copper wire. And I would put beads on it, braid it, etc and wear it as earrings. At first glance you wouldn't notice that they were fake and when I lost one it was easy to replace.

Around the same time they started selling magnetic earrings at Claire's. I had several pairs, but they hurt my ears and the magnets eventually lost their pull and would fall off. These replaced the copper wire, and by the time I was done losing those I was no longer interested in piercing my ears.

By the time I was sixteen I was afraid of needles and the idea of sticking one ALL THE WAY THROUGH MY EAR LOBE did not sound at all appealing. Though, I still spent too much time ogling over earrings at various stores. They're pretty, but so not worth the trouble.

Lately I kind of feel like my life is this attitude repeating itself. I can finally do things, and they don't matter anymore. I suppose everyone goes through this at some point, but I can't help but think that I'm experiencing it early, just like every other part of my life.

I mean it's a Friday night, I don't have to be at work until one tomorrow afternoon and I'm staying in watching Sydney Poitier movies on TCM. I should be out, I should be getting drunk and going home with people I'm going to complain about in the morning. But I have a keyboard to play, and books to read and shitty poetry to write, and tomorrow I will make a delicious breakfast for friends. Actually, my life sounds pretty good.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Steps to taking over the world

Yesterday my new roommate, Anthea, and I made a trip down to my leasing company's office to get her put on the lease.

I have not been involved with this at all until yesterday. My previous roommate, Jessica, moved out so dealing with the paperwork has been her deal. I wasn't aware that They would try to make me sign another lease with Anthea. We were under the impression that while sub-leasing was a breach of contract, that you could turn your lease over. So, Jessica was supposed to be able to have Anthea take it over.

Well, They "don't do that." And They are trying to make me and Anthea sign a twelve month lease that would push our move-out date to next August. Ugh. Apparently they only deal in increments of twelve months for all parties. Then another They informed us that we could sign an eight month lease for an additional $50 a month.

After talking to "my lawyer" aka Spencer's mom, and a my parents and a couple of others, I have been advised by all to go with what I was going to do anyway - not sign anything and not pay anything extra.

I spent last night and a good portion of this morning reading the Landlord Tenant Handbook for Virginia and my lease. And because they didn't inform us of all of their procedures for "if"-situations I am fairly certain that what they are doing is illegal. Dealing with things "as they come up" is hardly feasible.

And if our light fixture starts leaking again this month we are totally going escrow.

In other news, I called my cousin Robert Earl today. He is my mother's cousin and I will be interviewing him in early September. I am writing a book about my mother's side of the family. She has been asking her brother to do it for years but he doesn't want to. Understandably. Their side of the family has everything you love about Faulkner in it. All the uncles were in the Ku Klux Klan, alcoholics, infidelity, the whole thing. The aunts were all very polite women who cooked, cleaned and knew when to keep their mouths shut.

My mother keeps asking me if I'm going write "nice" things about her family, and I keep assuring her that I will write the truth. She is not comfortable with that answer.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Fucking Richmond

I would like to tell you a story. It's about a girl who is in college, working, attempting to have a social life, has no love life because boys suck, and often gets home late.

This girl is currently transitioning between roommates and paid her utilites last week. Of these, her cable and internet were included. But her carrier, Comcast sent her a statement that stated that she was behind in her payments, except, this was the first she had heard from them in months, even after calling the customer service people asking about her bills. They told her it was fine before this statment was sent, but whatever, she has intergrity, she knew that the bill needed to be paid and so she paid it.

Then about a week after sending them a check she get another bill saying that she is late, but her check hasn't gone through yet. So she tries to check everything out online, but their Web site keeps haveing "errors" and tells her to "check back at a later time." Awesome.

Then she notices flashing outside her window. So, of course she felt the need to know what was going on. She waslked outside and saw two police cars sitting next to each other, not doing anything, just two chatting policemen. Nothing odd going on, no one being loud, no one drunkenly walking home, nothing. So she stood on the sidewalk and watched them until the police officer in the closer car noticed her and they drove off.

The. End.

I can deal with people being loud outside. I can deal with hearing everyone drive by, but flashing lights when I'm trying to go to bed, not so much.

And Comcast is being stupid.

And my I had to call my land lord company today to tell them about the leak in my bathroom FOR THE THIRD TIME! They "fixed" it for the third time also. And the trash situation behind my building is getting out of hand. I sweartodgod that if thing don't start getting better around here, I will totally stage an uprising in my complex and sue those motherfuckers. Sure, it may be late, and I may be tired, but I am so over dealing with Richmond's bullshit. I get that companies that lease to college students take advantage of us, and I know it's my fault for not doing more research before I moved in, but that doesn't mean everyone has to deal with it. Mainly anyone who may rent with my company in the future. They already think I'm a nuisance for reporting everyfuckinglittlething, but I shouldn't have to, because it shouldn't be a problem. Kind of like how with my roommate I was always asking her to do stuff around the apartment, but wasn't so much mad that she wasn't doing it as much as I was mad she had to be asked to do it - like that, except with a rental company that makes bank off of poor college students who can't afford to live somewhere better. I am so serious about this. And I know that I'm taking on a ton of stuff this year, but this ahs to be done. Richmond needs a swift kick in the ass and who better to give it to them than myself?