GROSS!

A couple days ago I noticed a weird red spot on my back. It was slightly itchy, so I figured it was just a bug bite. Then it started to hurt yesterday and I thought it was a pimple so I kept putting acne goo on it. Then I made the mistake of asking my mom to look at it last night when I was home and she spent about ten mintues poking and proding it and I kept fidgeting - it was terrible. I get queasy over most things that have to do with my body.

So, I mentioned it to my sister this morning and then she looked at it. Freaked out and told me to go see a doctor, just to make sure it wasn't a staph infection. I spent the following twenty minutes looking at pictures of staph infections (you're welcome!).

"Are you sure you're going to be okay at the doctor's alone?" My sister has no faith in me. "Because you know, they lance it and then they squeeze it and rub a cotton swab in there..."

"Amanda, I'm happy to go with you... you really don't handle these things very well." My mom doesn't have any faith in me either.

I didn't have an appointment and they weren't able to see me, so I went to the emergency room at Fort Belvoir (because my dad's a retired Marine and I'm still on their insurance). There, a doctor did exactly what my mom did, but with needles. And I didn't scream. Or cry.

"I don't think it's staph, yet, it's probably just a boil, but we're gonna treat it for MRSA anyway." That's cool, I guess. "It still might get worse, but just see your primary physician if it does, but it's probably not a big deal."

Yep. Totally not a big deal. Or it could be. I'm not gonna worry about it.

My Face is Bigger than Your Face

This past week I've been tweeting a lot about my face. The itching that started Monday, I mistakenly thought was related to my allergies and developing sinus infection. The two red spots that showed up Tuesday on either side of my right eye I thought were developing pimples. Tuesday night my forehead started to feel slightly bumpy. I called my friend who's an epidemiologist and explained to her what was going on, she told me to take Benadryl and that if it didn't help to see a doctor. Wednesday morning I had a nice ring around my entire right eye and spots developing on the left. I went to the doctor.

Except, I am still on my parent's insurance and have not seen a doctor in Richmond in over a year when I went to the VCU student clinic. But since I'm not a student there I can't go there anymore and my primary physician is located in Northern Virginia. So I had to call Tricare and was finally able to see someone at Ft. Lee. But because Ft. Lee is still more than thirty minutes away, I have to find a civilian doctor that takes Tricare to be my primary physician.

So I see the doctor, Dr. Huggins, a very short, plump woman who seems to think that continuously poking and prodding my face is somehow going to make it better. After some time (I think she took her time poking and prodding to make it seem like she was actually doing something) she writes me a prescription for an antihistamine. Then she leads me to a nurse to get my flu shot - I should mention that I don't typically get a flu shot, just because I unfortunately do not make my health a priority and I only got inoculated out of convenience, and it was free. I think I'm getting over my trypanophobia - I didn't cry or hyperventilate. PROGRESS!

I then make my way to the pharmacy and on the way I'm passing all these people in militay uniforms. I don't care so much about the uniforms, but in contrast to them I look sorely out of place. Aside from my face's mutation, my clothing says "Hi, I'm a poor student, am probably a lot more liberal than you, and yes I've been wearing this particular hoodie since the fifth grade." When I walk up to the pharmacy's receptionist, instead of greeting me with a hello or similar salutation she says, "What did you do to your face?"

I made the mistake of trying a fancy face wash my mom had samples of when I was home last weekend. I don't typically use much on my face. I have really sensitive skin and like to keep it simple, but I had been having all these small breakouts lately so I thought I'd try something stronger. Boy, was that the worst decision ever. I can only compare what is on my face to that one time in the seventh grade when I got poison ivy really bad and used it as an excuse to skip gym for three weeks. Except, it's on my face. And my right eye lid is swollen to the point that there isn't really a lash line and it makes reading small print difficult because everything looks blurry. And instead of missing gym I am missing what I have made out to be the best weekend of this year. I asked to take tomorrow off about a month ago for the Stewart/Colbert Sanity/Fear rally/gathering, and have been looking forward the Halloween festivities since last year. Last Halloween was pretty epic, if not messy.

(This is me last year as a candy striper very happily wearing a friend's "wild thing" head.)

I've digressed. Anyway, so, Wednesday I go to class that night and after I finish my quiz my professor comes up to me with the in-class assignments and tells me that I look contagious and if I need to go home. I proceed to call my boss and apologize for needing the next day off. Thursday is spent in bed hiding from the world until my sister stops by with neem and coconut oils that I had asked her to pick up for me at the suggestion of another friend. The oils are supposed to help with the swelling or something. "It really does look horrible," thanks, April. I don't know why she was so surprised. Sure, my typical descriptions of things I'm excited about may be a bit hyperbolic, but not about things I'm not excited about. Guys, it really is that bad. I have friends who keep claiming otherwise, asking for pictures, but I refuse to make any documented evidence of this situation.

This morning it wasn't any better. Please excuse me for insulting the only real socialize healthcare system in the US as I do like having it, but they never give you the good stuff the first time around. They would rather give you amoxicillin when you need augmentin - I know the difference and when which is necessary. (Example: I took one augmentin that I had lying around for the pesky sinus infection I had developing - POOF! Nipped that in the bud!) Hydroxyzine was just not doing the trick, so I made my way to the emergency room downtown to see a doctor that wasn't a contractor for the government. And while I was waiting in my room some man from the Richmond Health Department asked me if I wanted to get tested for HIV, for free. This week I have not been one to turn down free health related things, so I obliged and got free condoms to boot! "The pink one is for the guy who conveniently forgets to bring his own." What a sweetheart, right? And during such a shit week what could be better news that to have someone tell you that you're HIV negative? Really, in this life, I don't think there is anything better than being HIV negative.

I have had my sunglasses on this whole time. The doctor comes in and asks me to remove them and states, "This is a really impressive case." Impressive is not something anyone in this sort of situation wants to hear. It's the same thing doctors used to say as they called their colleagues in to look at my giant thyroid (it's something like 10 cm wide, which is apparently huge). I have also brought all of the stuff I have been taking, applying and an ingredients list I had the facial cleanser's company send me. He writes me a prescription for prednisone and I'm done. I have contact dermatitis, but a really bad case of it so I'm getting the big guns.

I've taken three today and so far it hasn't really made a difference. But it needs to start working by Sunday because my military ID expires on Tuesday (because my birthday is Wednesday) and if I have to see a specialist it would have to be on Monday. This all presents a problem because I had originally planned to renew my ID on Monday, but I won't be doing that because of the face issue. My mother suggested that I go ahead and do it and then get a replacement later, but that would require me to go out in public without sunglasses and make documented evidence - all things I am not going to do. My mother also didn't believe how awful I look until my sister told her. My parents are going to be in town tomorrow to visit my sister and her baby and want to swing by and see me to, this cannot happen. My mother is one of those people that always has a camera with her and in 20 years she would love to get out these pictures for family gatherings, I'm sure. They do not have my address, and I am not giving it to them.

Not Keeping My Opinions to Myself

I knew that as soon as I posted this that someone would take it the wrong way. Though, my thinking this didn't keep me from posting it. That's what's great about a blog, I don't feel the need to use a filter. I can write about anything, but I try to be respectful of my friends and family as not to reveal anything that they wouldn't want me to, Christina I'm looking at you and please note that I still haven't posted a certain conversation from when we were fourteen and had a very skewed idea of everything. (Bwahahahahaha...I bet you're wishing right about now that we had never written all that down.)

I woke up this morning to an email from my mother that read, and yes I know what I wrote above, but this was just too ridiculous: My friend said she read your blog and she had no idea that you hated her because she was fat. Her feelings were hurt that you wrote those things. I didn't realize that I had singled any one person out. The idea that this person took my blog post so personally is upsetting, it's upsetting that there are people that I don't know who allow blogs written by some girl to offend them. And beside, if I "hate" someone, I'm not going to write a passive-aggressive blog post about it, I believe in confrontation, and the next time that person did something to slight me I would most likely confront them about it.

Anyway, I responded to this email, and I hope that this clears some things up: I don't know which friend you're talking about, but I'm sure I don't hate her. I am just generally annoyed by obese people. Most obesity is not hereditary and is nurture, not nature. Americans are not overweight because it's in our genes, it's because we live in a world of convenience and people don't take time to take care of their bodies. And then when I hear these larger people that don't take care of their bodies in the first place complain about how difficult it is to do things, I have no sympathy. They've made unhealthy choices and are obviously not motivated to make the necessary changes in their lives. It is absurd how large the average person has become in this country.
If Americans as a whole were to change their attitude towards food and eat healthier, exercise more - they would be healthier, fitter, and probably a helluva lot happier. I am in no way advocating that everyone should have a 26 inch waist, just that people should be conscious of what is and isn't healthy and work at keeping their body feeling good. I understand that some people struggle with weight their entire lives while others go years without taking care of their bodies and have it catch up with them later.

I had a roommate who used to always be on diet, but never ate well or exercised. Somehow people have still not figured out that "diets" don't work, but they're probably easier than learning portion control and learning how to make healthy things and take a walk every now and again. People don't educate themselves about food, about sex, about most things and would rather watch Good Morning America and learn about "superfoods" than get the facts. If you're interested you might want to read this, and this, and kudos to you if you're not bothered by it. I'm not prejudice against overweight people, I'm annoyed by lazy people who complain about things that are well within their power to change.

fattymcfattyfatfat

Yesterday I ate the following:
Breakfast: waffles, yogurt, milk
Lunch: instant stove top stuffing
Snack(ish): reese's peanut butter cups, snackwell's vanilla cookies
Dinner: a salad because I was attempting to eat something healthy, and onion rings because they seemed healthier than french fries, were cheap, and I wanted more than just a salad.
Snack(ish): chips and guacamole from Chipotle and KRISPY KREME (because they are right next to each other)

Gross, right? And to make it worse I had two, TWO! five-hour energy drinks to keep me up so I could read for class - Hi, Mr. Galligan!

I got two hours of sleep and still feel disgusting. I'm going to have to do some sort of detox. I can literally feel my body's organs being coated in a layer of fat.

Today has been a little bit better, but I'm probably not going to get much sleep tonight either, or tomorrow night, but Sunday, SUNDAY! is going to be wonderful. There will be a bubble bath and maybe candles, and hot chocolate, and lots of cranberry juice.

Golf Balls don't belong back there

I have been getting headaches everyday for the past week or so around 4 PM. Yesterday I woke up and my tonsils were swollen. As the day progressed they got bigger and in the middle of Psychology I started to get chills. Awesome. I had a fever. By the time I had returned to my dorm I could hardly deal with standing or sitting upright, but I had to stay awake long enough to watch Scrubs. And I did, sort of. I stayed awake through the first episode, but started to doze during the second. I was out by ten fifteen, that never happens, but I suppose Nyquil helped.

When I woke up this morning I made an appointment at the student clinic. The nurse practitioner thought that I should have my tonsils out. Every nurse that I have ever met has said that.

My tonsils and the majority of the glands in my neck/throat are enlarged. I don't know for sure but I think that is has something to with my being born with the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck. When I was little I used to get strep all the time and when I was four my tonsils swelled to the point of sealing my throat completely. This happened on a visit to North Carolina while we were visiting the Rollinger's - my Godparents. Luckily they lived close to a hospital and Theresa (Mrs. Rollinger) drove me and my mom. I remember waking up and not being able to breathe and my mom not having any idea what to do, but I was awake and was able to communicate that I needed help. We drove with the windows down; the cool air seemed to help. When we arrived I was whisked into a room and hooked up to a couple of machines. I remember having to take off my clothes, except for my day-of-the-week underwear. The doctor was a man and I was embarrassed. After a few hours of wearing a rubber mask and breathing in what looked like smoke, I was allowed to go and kept my mask as a souviner.

This happened again when I was eight. This time I had to hold this tube in my mouth and they ended up giving me and inhaler, unsure of whether or not I had asthma or bronchitis.

Over the years I have had strep throat too many times to count and in the past year I've gotten sinusitis/tonsilitis five times. It took the third time to get the correct diagnosis. I usually have symptoms of one thing, but then they'll see my tonsils and lose it.

I have asked about getting my tonsils out, but we have Tri-Care Prime (military insurance) and they refuse to prescribe "unneccessary surguries." This would typically be appreciated, but I do believe that this is long over due. They should have removed them after they closed my throat the first time. I just haven't been able to convince a doctor to give me referal to get them out. Of course most of these doctors are not military, but contractors and that's an entirely different rant that I'll save for a later time.

I did however, convince the nurse practitioner to prescribe me augmentin instead of omoxicillin which means that once I get it filled I should be better within a day or two, until then I'll sleep and sleep and sleep some more.

travelling booze

In Richmond, in addition to the bums, ho-bos and homeless, we have "travellers". These people are typically white-would-be-middle-class-kids, that probably dropped out of school, did a lot of drugs and decided to bum around the country. They have backpacks and smell bad and are generally dirtier than homeless people.

Today I was on my bike (of course) and I was stopped at a corner next to a group of about five travellers. I didn't pay them much attention, but did hear that they were talking about food and beer. I made the mistake of glancing in their direction, and one had the nerve to ask me outright - "Could you spare some change so we can buy beer?"

You read right. He asked. For money. So that he could buy beer. I mean, really? It took me a second to realize what had just happened. I mean I'm used to ignoring homeless people with bottles in paper bags and twitches, but this was something that I would never expect. I mean, you can typically assume that they would spend your money on booze or drugs, but they would ask for money to "buy food."

At the same time, though, I admire the honesty. I mean, I don't know why anyone would give anyone who was homeless money for booze, but he didn't beat around the bush, and he didn't get my money. I'm not encouraging lying, but maybe creativity?

skinny-fat people

You all know that I hate fat people, and I know I probably shouldn't, but I do.

I just had dinner for the first time at the dining hall on the Monroe Park campus. I've eaten there before, but always for lunch. Dinner is incredibly different, and by different I mean that's when everyone comes out of hiding and gorges themselves on tasteless mush. This would be fine, but tonight I've discovered (not really, but noticed more than usual) skinny-fat people. These are usually girls that are very small, but when you get closer you realized that they lack any sort of tone on their body. That is to say, they lack muscle. And despite their small size many have bellies, like pot-bellies, and muffin tops; though the muffin tops are typically covered by a cardigan.

I've decided I'm not going to stand for it anymore. No more will these tiny people be allowed to get away with being fat by being disguised in a small package.

In all seriousness though, I wish that people would realize that despite the size zero on their jeans that it is still possible to be unhealthy. And not in an anorexic/bulimic way, but in the "I'm naturally skinny, why do I need to exercise" type of way. I mean regular fat people suck, but tiny-fat people suck even more.

Some may say that I'm simply jealous - they obviously do not know how vain I am. I simply find it annoying that people don't think they need to take care of their bodies because of their small body.

so many things to do

I need to get in touch with the dental school here. My left wisdom teeth are coming in, and I now know what it feels like to be a baby, those poor, poor babies, cutting their teeth. No wonder they cry all the time, this sucks! So, I need to get them removed. Icky.

I also need to call the doctors, again, because my throat is an explosion of red and goo. Mmmm... I told them to give me something stronger, but no, they just had to no better. And they were wrong. So, I'll probably go by today or tomorrow and make them give me something stronger.

I should probably re-write a paper, but I really don't feel like it. But I probably will tonight, because I'm incapable of getting anything done unless I'm down to the wire.

I also need to do a write up from the Built to Spill show. That was amazing. I saw them for free because I'm on the radio/magazine/soon-to-be-newspaper staff, basically I'm on my way to taking over VCU's student media center.

I dropped my Energy! class (that wretched combination of physics and chemistry, which I wouldn't have minded if there wasn't to much of the conversion crap, who cares how many time you multiply or divide watts to find joules? not me) I'm going to take biology next semester.

After I get that immunization form turned in. Apparently I didn't ever send it in and won't be able to register for classes for next semester until I do.

I also need to make an appointment with my academic adviser, but I don't like her. And she did recommend Energy! But I have to see her before November in order to register for next semester.

I could be doing all of this, but instead I'm listening to Frightened Rabbit and writing this, and it's raining outside, and I'm bloated, and I really just do not feel like doing anything constructive. I will probably call my dad so he can help me get my itunes set up (I finally got my ipod in the mail, in the jenga game my parents sent me with scrabble, yesterday) and then take a nap. I love naps.

HACK!

I am sick. My body couldn't even make through a whole month of college before it decided to get sick. I have sinusitis, yeah, that's a real illness. It's the best kind because it takes all of the most lovely ailments having to do with your head and puts them all together. So, right now my tonsils are huge, and I mean huge because while they're abnormally large and no one will take them out, they manage to become the size of golfballs when I'm sick. I also have a headache, as in my entire head is throbbing. My ears and neck are sore. I can feel the mucus running down my throat, but when I go to blow my nose or gargle, nothing comes. Instead I get to cough phlegmballs at my bodies request, i.e. whenever it wants to.

I can breath through my nose, that's nice. But the only way I can relieve any of the sinus pressure is by using nose spray. FUN! FUN! FUN!

I've had this three times in the last year. Last October, last November and this past February. It wasn't until that third time that they got the diagnosis right. And they gave me an IV and I almost died. Man, that was scary. I mean having a needle in my arm is scary. And all these times I had my blood drawn. The first two times I was treated by military doctors, and let me tell you, they suck. Not because they're in the military, but because they didn't run enough tests or believe me when I told them that I didn't have mono or strep, but ran those tests, and when they came out negative told me to take IB profen for the fever.

You know, I understand that doctors are supposed to be the ones "in charge" of making the diagnosis. But I'll tell you what, I am someone that has had strep throat enough times in my life to know when I have it. I've never had mono, but I've done my research just to make sure I don't have it. And all these people always wanted to test for those two instead of just taking my word for it. Guess who was right. I was! And guess what else, they like to waste my time by running those tests anyway.

I really hope I can just go tomorrow to the student health clinic, tell them what I have, have them write me a prescription for augmentin, and be on my way.

I am currently at my sister's and completely broke, well not completely but I don't want to spend my savings. Yesterday I was excited that she came to pick me up. I had been anticipating at least one cash tip yesterday, but nothing came. So i had three of those fruit cups of mandarin oranges and three mini candy bars prior to her picking me up. Once we got back to her place, her brother-in-law and his galpal made dinner, it was goodish, but t hey put bacon in the pasta and didn't use very much sauce. But who cares, because I ate food, the real kind. With nutrients. The kind that fills you up instead of giving you a headache or makes you crave more - the candy bars. And what's even nicer is that I'm staying here all day, so I get to have more read food. HURRAY! I get paid on Tuesday, I'm excited.

As I write this I'm listening to the soundtrack to "Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist." I'm very excited about this movie. I have a feeling I will be able to relate to it in a lot of ways. The soundtrack is wonderful, I've seen a few of those bands live, and Brightest Young Things has interviewed most of them. While I love this music, I don't love sharing it. And I'm not excited about all the high school girls who will see this movie and then show up at all these shows in the future. Guys, I'm really worried about this. I don't know how much more I can take of the lowlier human forms taking notice of my favorite bands. I should probably be excited for all the bands that are having their songs used in this movie, I mean it's huge for them. And I'm all for supporting musicians, I spend hundreds of dollars each year doing just that, but I think good music is like buying a great pair of jeans at Marshall's, you have to dig for it. Once you know where to dig, you continue to discover great finds. I hate seeing them just handed over when people haven't worked for it a little bit.

I'll just go over here and pout by myself.

I think you're Fat

Today at lunch Garrett and I started talking about this past weekend and the rediculousness that ensued (that was his ex that we ran into). And then of course we talked about Richmond and I gave him yet more reasons as to why it sucks, today it was mostly the overabundance of Fat People.

"Do you hate fat people?" (Isn't Garrett cute?) Of course I hate Fat People. They take up too much space. They are often angry and overall unpleasant.
Now, I don't want you to get the wrong idea. Do not confuse Fat People with being overweight. Being overweight describes most people at some point in their lives. I have plenty of friends that are overweight, I am probably a little bit (but losing weight could cause damage, i.e. the loss of my wonderful breasts and ass. You've seen them, they are amazing! I believe that if I were to ever lose them it would be detrimental to society.) but my friends and I aren't fat. Not at all.
Fat people are typically obese, dress horribly (they wear sweatpants from Wal-Mart and oversized t-shirts with some cartoon on them, you know what I'm saying) and are overall painful to be with. The later is the most important. Fat People just do not understand how to get along with other people.

There are some Fat People that dress well, you may even mistake them for an overweight person. Do not let this throw you off. Stay on track. Their fatness will soon manifest itself as soon as they open their mouths. For example, I was at the Ting-Tings show this summer and there were these two fat girls in front of me. They were not dancing, they were not having a good time, they were complaining about all the people (at a sold-out show), they were upset that people were touching them, and the were especially upset when me and Zak (intern) shoved past them to the front. Now, I could go on a rant about how annoying it is when people in front don't dance, but that's another post. These girls tried to tell us that they were there first, blahblahblah... They were dressed well, but were breaking all club-show rules. They suck, right? Exactly! Character flaw.

Well what about those that can't help being overweight? I already explained this by differinciating between Overweight People and Fat People. Now, if you are a fat person and have health issues, well, I just don't have any sympathy. Like people with Diabetes. Man, that sucks, but were they taking care of themselves before they were diagnosed? Did they eat healthy food and excercise? Or did they sit on the couch and eat Doritos while watching Lifetime?
If it's the former then I can sympathize. I certianly don't have bean-pole-body, or a high metabolism. In fact I have a thyroid disorder that's under control, but if I didn't take care of myself I would certainly gain weight, and that could lead to Diabetes and Heart Disese, both of which run in my family.

If it's the later, well then they deserve it. Nothing good comes from Doritos, they just make me bloated. And even less good comes from Lifetime;I swear that channel was developed for overweight women just to turn them into vapid Fat People by encouraging them to relate to depressing stories.

*Mom, I'm talking to you! Watch it, I mean, don't watch Lifetime, I know you do!

Last year Trevor and I agreed that Fat People shouldn't be allowed to wear athletic shorts and sweatshirts.Isn't it ironic that they can be cuaght in athletic gear when they never take part in physical activities? And isn't it a shame that that's one of the few things that fits them?



In other news, my Focused Inquiry teacher wants to meet me before class on Monday to discuss something that will take about twnety minutes. He wouldn't say what. I'm pretty sure that it's going to be about my negative attitude in his class, or the questionaire that we had to fill out at the beginning of the class, on which I encouraged him to stop parting his hair down the middle and to grow some facial hair. He is one of those people that is happy all the time, in a creepy way; like my eighth grade french teacher Mme. Rustan who smiled all the time except for the times she would look down to relax her mouth before continuing what she was saying with a smile. She didn't like me either, expecially when I wrote "busy work" in the heading of my paper where the name of the assignment was supposed to go (it was on a day we had a sub). I had to show my parents and get it signed and she gave the entire class a lecture about busy work and how if you were to use that term you had better have an A - I did not have an A. My FI teacher and I have a similar repoire. This year will be interesting, to say the least. Who knows, maybe we'll be best friends by the end of the year. Probably not, but he will probably say something about how he wants to be my friend on Monday. Oh, dear.

yet something else i have in common with my father

I don't do blood, well at least my blood. if you're bleeding I'm excellent. I'm excellent in all emergencies.
I also don't do broken skin. If i can see inside your body, no matter how small the gash, i will become queasy.

Today while i was cutting Anya's hair in cosmetology I cut my finger. She, knowing that i don't like my blood quickly gave me a band-aid. It was fine, well sort of. If she had put the band-aid on and i hadn't seen it i would have been fine, but i saw it. I SAW INSIDE MY FINGER!

It's only a finger and yet it was quite traumatic. So traumatic in fact that i did become queasy and and nausious and dizzy, and OH MY GOD I CUT MY SKIN. SICK.

Mrs. Burchell had me sit down and but my head between my knees, and then apparently a couple of friends thought I'd do better if i had some fresh air and led me out into the hallway and opened the door. I don't remember this. Mostly because of all of the above reasons and everything was really blurry.

I fainted. In the hallway. In front of the Teacher-Cadet classroom. I was only out for a minute or so, and they caught me, so I was okay. BUT! I had cut my skin, my skin, my skin, my skin - and that is not okay.

I laid there for awhile regaining consciousness and a couple of girls who weren't in my class were standing over me when things started to become clear.

The nurse walked me down to her office, gave me a new band-aid, and had me sit down and drink water for awhile. She put the band-aid on, not me. I have yet to change it because i don't want to look at it. GROSS!

I've never passed out before, ever. So, I suppose this is kind of exciting, but it's very strange having all sorts of people that you don't really know ask you if you're alright. I'm fine, and hope this never happens again, but now that I know it's possible, it probably will. Hopefully not for a very, very long time.