Sunday, September 12, 2010


Awhile ago Lily Allen was posting clues via her Twitter page that led her fans to find a pair of tickets that she had hidden while she was on tour. I created a Twitter account to follow those clues and was really pissed that I had to work (and I think had a test) the day that she was in DC. Then I kind of forgot about it. Then a few months later I posted one tweet, and then today I finally gave in.

I have complained about people linking their Facebook and Twitter and Foursquare and blogs and GoogleBuzz and everything else together, as it means that you get updated multiple times. You check someone's blog and there's their latest tweet, you check their Facebook there's a tweet and link to their blog, etc. I'm moving towards becoming one of those people that really is constantly connected to everything all the time in a variety of efficient ways, that doesn't mean that I don't think that's it's ridiculous. It is, but I acknowledge that I am, too.

I'm @amandarants. I'm keeping it public, so even my parents will be able to read all of the absurdly embarrassing things that I will inevitably end up tweeting. Now, instead of sending drunken text messages to certain people, or to the twenty most "recent recipients," I can twitter and let the whole world know things that I will regret in the morning. YAY!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

What's up?

I hate that text message.

This is the text message that guys send when they're too chicken to call and/or are looking to get laid. It depends on the time of day, but no matter what time of day it is, it is a useless message. They don't care "what's up" they aren't interested in the fact that you are getting ready for work or class or bed. This is fine though because if they are sending you this particular message, they are bored and probably not worth spending time with anyway.

This is not the text message of a person that has a ton going for them. They probably aren't pursuing any hobbies, is probably not the most emotionally healthy person, and lacks the confidence to carry on an interesting conversation. Was that harsh? Perhaps. But I'm being honest.

If you do happen to respond to this message it will lead nowhere. It'll probably result in the following:

"Nothing much, just doing (insert mundane task here)."
"Sounds like more fun than I'm having (insert emoticon)."
"What's up with you?"
"(Insert some activity that you have absolutely no interest in.)"

This will go on until you, the recipient of the original text suggest that you hang out, because they don't have the chutzpa to ask you out on a date or at the very least instigate hanging out.

If he were actually interested in seeing you or how your life is going you would receive something more thoughtful. Perhaps a "How is your day going?" Or a "What are you doing later?" Or maybe something witty and related to whatever they're doing, i.e. "Did you read (whatever) on BBC today? Sending you the link now." Or "We fucking owned that shit. (insert sports team they love) 297397, (other team) 0." You get the gist.

"What's up?" is quite possibly the lowest form of communication. It's probably a template message by some mobile carriers. It requires no thought. Sure he texted you, but the likelihood of him texting several other people the vague, impersonal message is likely. It's an effort to make his evening slightly better.

And if you are one of those sad souls who sends that text message, please stop. Do something. Anything. Just don't be so lazy. This isn't even a romance thing, it's a being-a-decent-person thing. And decent people keep in touch with people, and ask those people questions and call them or email them about their lives, if those are people that they want to be in their lives.

"What's up?" is not a complete sentence, there's not even a subject!

While I understand that we live in a world of instance and brevity, if someone is worth staying in touch with they are worth asking real questions, and hopefully they think enough of you to do you the same courtesy.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Baking Slut

A few weeks ago I was asked to fill out a survey for Hipster Wife Hunting, a blog out of New York that my friend Jessica contributes to. I am pin-up #37. And the last sentence in my self-description should read "I'm really goofy."

My sister April doesn't read my blog, and probably won't read my hipster wife description, but if she did she make note of my comment in regards to baking. You see, she thinks that I'm a "baking slut" because I "give it away for free" because apparently it isn't appropriate to bake things for boys before they "take you on and pay for three dates." She is full of all kind of wisdom like this. But my baking sluttiness is something more, it's a direct result of my "inner Mormon" - you see this is something that we all suffer from. We spent years baking things for people who were, like we are now, inactive members of the church in an effort to them how much we cared for and miss them. I know that this is complete horseshit though. I was always confused about why I would bother putting so much effort into something where we would inevitably be considered very strange by whomever we were delivering these baked goods too.

Imagine for a moment taking someone a plate of cookies that has not been to church, or whatever organization, in years. Then seeing them at school. You don't say anything because you don't know them. You just happened to see them the evening before because you and a group of other young girls have been encouraged to make her feel welcome, like a part of this group that she is not interested in being a part of, by giving her baked goods.

Then there were all those times when we baked for the missionaries, and the boys our age who were busy whittling or building a fire or learning about the importance of having gainful employment as to support your wife and 2984793 kids one day. We, the girls were practicing for the roles we would one day have as mothers - baking cookies for every occasion.

As teenagers, and then in college, Mormon girls will commonly bake things for the object of their affection. And he, unless he likes her back, will think she's insane. BAKING! FOR SOMEONE SHE HARDLY KNOWS! (Save for that one awkward dance together at the church sponsored dance a month ago.) Okay, I'm generalizing, but there are chicks that do this. I knew one who knitted a boy a scarf, it was really wide and not very long and I never saw him wear it. Nor did I ever see them interact. But it was fine, she moved on and was making stuff for someone else in the following weeks.

I don't typically just bake people stuff. I do enjoy baking and cooking, but I usually save the baking for thank-yous and birthdays. So, even if I did get three dinners paid for, there's still no guarantee. The term baking slut only came into play this summer because I knew so many people with birthdays during a couple of weeks and I made all of them a cake - and most of them happened to be dudes, and apparently it doesn't matter because baking a cake for a male friend somehow sends the wrong message? I disagree.

Sometimes, I even invite friends over and make dinner. And then we discuss the rationale behind the way all these people in our lives think. And sometimes, I even send friends home with leftovers.

Slut? Yeah, that's right.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Not Keeping My Opinions to Myself

I knew that as soon as I posted this that someone would take it the wrong way. Though, my thinking this didn't keep me from posting it. That's what's great about a blog, I don't feel the need to use a filter. I can write about anything, but I try to be respectful of my friends and family as not to reveal anything that they wouldn't want me to, Christina I'm looking at you and please note that I still haven't posted a certain conversation from when we were fourteen and had a very skewed idea of everything. (Bwahahahahaha...I bet you're wishing right about now that we had never written all that down.)

I woke up this morning to an email from my mother that read, and yes I know what I wrote above, but this was just too ridiculous:
My friend said she read your blog and she had no idea that you hated her because she was fat. Her feelings were hurt that you wrote those things. I didn't realize that I had singled any one person out. The idea that this person took my blog post so personally is upsetting, it's upsetting that there are people that I don't know who allow blogs written by some girl to offend them. And beside, if I "hate" someone, I'm not going to write a passive-aggressive blog post about it, I believe in confrontation, and the next time that person did something to slight me I would most likely confront them about it.

Anyway, I responded to this email, and I hope that this clears some things up:
I don't know which friend you're talking about, but I'm sure I don't hate her. I am just generally annoyed by obese people. Most obesity is not hereditary and is nurture, not nature. Americans are not overweight because it's in our genes, it's because we live in a world of convenience and people don't take time to take care of their bodies. And then when I hear these larger people that don't take care of their bodies in the first place complain about how difficult it is to do things, I have no sympathy. They've made unhealthy choices and are obviously not motivated to make the necessary changes in their lives. It is absurd how large the average person has become in this country.
If Americans as a whole were to change their attitude towards food and eat healthier, exercise more - they would be healthier, fitter, and probably a helluva lot happier. I am in no way advocating that everyone should have a 26 inch waist, just that people should be conscious of what is and isn't healthy and work at keeping their body feeling good. I understand that some people struggle with weight their entire lives while others go years without taking care of their bodies and have it catch up with them later.

I had a roommate who used to always be on diet, but never ate well or exercised. Somehow people have still not figured out that "diets" don't work, but they're probably easier than learning portion control and learning how to make healthy things and take a walk every now and again. People don't educate themselves about food, about sex, about most things and would rather watch Good Morning America and learn about "superfoods" than get the facts
If you're interested you might want to read this, and this, and kudos to you if you're not bothered by it. I'm not prejudice against overweight people, I'm annoyed by lazy people who complain about things that are well within their power to change.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Just a reminder: I am probably younger than you.

I'm not sure how exactly this came up, but it did.

Me: I had a Tickle-Me-Elmo.
Him: You did?
Me: Yeah, the original. The one that you could only get from PBS.
Him: Oh wait, you had one because you were a little kid.
Me: Yeah, I was like seven or something.
Him: And I was in high school.

I have conversations like this most days of my life.