An address to the happenings of late

Dear Burt Reynolds,
These past few months have been a whirlwind of emotions for both of us. Probably you more than me, seeing as everything you're dealing with right now, I was dealing with three years ago.

I recognize that you hate me right now. I also realize how irrational you are being. I have never done anything to intentionally hurt you, you know that - even if right now you won't admit it. You probably think I was leading you on, but that doesn't make sense either because until this past Friday I had not seen you in person for almost a month.

Until this whole thing happened you didn't think I was a manipulative bitch, you thought that I was this really strong person who wanted to help you. I did, at the time, and maybe I got a bit carried away, I think you did too. Somehow I became this person that you wish you'd had all along. But you didn't want to date me, at least not seriously, that was understood from the beginning. You said that you weren't "in love" with me, which was fine because I wasn't ever "in love" with you either. I thought, about two months ago that our relationship may take a romantic turn, but it didn't.

You decided that you were going to move back home, see if you could work from there and come to the city maybe once a month. While you've been going home on the weekends, and I've been working seven days a week, my life continued. Besides that, though, it couldn't have worked out for us. You're too co-dependent and I just would have become your therapist, and that's unhealthy.

Now, you've told me, many times, that you feel completely out of control, that you hate who you are, etc. I've seen a few sides of you, Burt, I've seen the side that you should hate, but I've also seen the side that's so sensitive he can hardly bare it. I know that if we were to sit down and discuss this you would probably cry, and to avoid that you've sent me quite a few mean, even nasty messages. You probably don't want to cry in front of me because you're trying to be strong. But strong people aren't afraid of their emotions, they embrace them and experience them. They don't go to their room and hide while getting high with someone that doesn't have a clues what's going on in their life. Strong people don't hide.

In your efforts to have control of something and perhaps to make you feel a bit better about yourself you emailed me, texted me, and called me, and told me how awful you think I am, that I'm not "allowed" to talk to, hang out with, or pretty much associate with any of your friends. I'm not allowed to message them, and I suppose I should just pretend I don't know them if I see them. I'm not allowed to play softball with your company, and you've made it clear to them your hate for me.

I'm not one to do what other people tell me what to do, you should know that as well as anyone, so I'm not sure what you thought would be different. When I ran into a guy from your office on Friday, we chatted and he invited me out because they needed more girls, I have more experience, etc. I had also been told that you wouldn't be at the game yesterday, but somehow I knew you would, just to make sure I didn't play - and yet, I was still a bit surprised when I saw you yesterday.

You had the audacity to accuse me of stalking you. Wow. If I was interested in stalking you, I'm sure if wouldn't be that difficult, but, wow, no, that wouldn't happen. Don't flatter yourself. But that wasn't it, you told me that I needed help! Good, God! I need help? Burt, you're running in circles around things you wish would die, but you won't let them. I've had a lot of friends that were getting help, but never have I had one that needed it so bad, but wasn't getting it.

I should hate you right now. This is twice you've made a scene. This is twice you've done everything in your power at the time to belittle me and generally hurt me. I don't hate you. I feel sorry for you. I'm not going to try and fix this, this time like I did last time. I still care about you. And I hope for the best in all you do. You have so much potential, but you have a lot to work through before you can use it.

To each of you texts and messages, if I've answered, I've been very nice about it. I've told you that you're a great guy, to which you responded, "I already realize that. You just weren't good enough for me. I guess you realized that and that pretty much explains everything." I may not be good enough for you, but I'm not being juvenile, immature, etc. as you said I was yesterday. I'm upset that your victimizing yourself. I'm not pathetic, you're being petty.

I look forward to the day when you have successful band. Your first single will, without a doubt be a song about a past relationship that went awry. Maybe not about me, but I'll hear it and smile to myself. I hope you do the same when your then wife comes home with my book.

Good luck!

-AP